The time honored tradition of the Fantasy Football draft and all its masculine glory. It’s really what I live for. Now just to be clear I know nothing about football. In previous years I’ve drafted players who had retired, been in jail or had already had season ending injured. I’ve been playing with the same league for about 5 years now and the only season I showed any signs of having a decent team was the one year I let my coworker take control. I don’t work with him anymore though and he’s pissed about it so The New Jersey Fuck Whisperers have to live with me as their coach for another year. I’m sorry guys.
Every year I tell myself there is no reason for me to even play. Everyone in the league throws in some money at the beginning of the season and at the end of the year the winner gets a pretty night pot. There’s no way I would ever win so really I’m just throwing money away. But this year I discovered my reason for sticking it out, well outside of getting a chance to make stupid comments and posts on the leagues message board. This year we partook in a live draft. Now normally we all just set our top picks and let the computer do the rest but with the live draft all the members of the league converge at a camp in Massachusetts and battle it out for players. More importantly we all bring a lot of beer and get pretty well lit during the 3 hours process.
To be 100% honest I spent more time in the beer store picking out what I was going to bring then I did trying to figure out my top picks. Pretty much the night before I did a Google search for “Fantasy Football Picks” and printed out the first list I found. I skipped ESPN and Yahoo’s lists just so it looked like I actually put some effort into picking a site to go with. I didn’t. At the beer store though I paced back and forth for a solid 15 minutes before making my selections.
They included:
A 12 of Smuttynose IPA
A 6 pack of Gritty McDuff’s Halloween Ale
A 22 of Wachusett Brewing Company California IPA
A 22 of Bear Republic’s Hop Rod Rye
Now before you go calling me an alcoholic you should know that I was splitting the 12 pack with someone and at the end of the day I still had 2 Halloween Ale’s left over. I don’t know how much I actually drank but I’m pretty sure it isn’t exactly what any sane doctor would recommend for a health lifestyle. Probably.
I’m proud to say I held my own in the draft, made solid selections in the first few rounds. By round 4 I was getting pretty well sauced and started to lose focus but the only real mistake I made was picking Glen Coffee, a running back who apparently retired to focus on his “spiritual goals”. Oddly enough he was also the only pick I made completely on my own after not being able to figure out who was at the top of my list. I was getting close to done and just saw the name “Coffee” and thought how could I go wrong, I love coffee. I’ve really got a eye for talent.
I’m even more proud of my beer selections though. Smuttynose I’ve had before and have always been a fan. Same goes for the Hop Rod Rye. The Halloween Ale and California IPA though were two picks I’ve never sampled and choices based mostly on not being able to find them in my area at home. Wachusett’s really made a great west coast IPA that packs a mighty hop punch without being to overpowering. The Halloween ale is a nice ESB with a solid malty backbone to it that might have been a bit much for the still warm weather but I was a big fan.
At the end of draft day I was happy, slightly drunk and satisfied with both my beer and player selections. The large cookie cake with “Yahoo Football” written on it also went over well. I know manly activities people. So yes I’m tossing fifty bucks out the window every year for this thing but can you really put a price on being able to get sauced with a large group of border line alcoholics with the most insane Boston accents you’ve ever heard? No, the answer is no. Stop thinking about it… it’s no.
On a side note with my new found love for the game of football I’ve decided to start watching the NFL this season. Congratulations New York Jets! Based on the show “Hard Knocks” I’ve officially selected you as my favorite team and I’ve decided to become your biggest fan of all time. You’re welcome!
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