Let me start of by saying I neither dislike or like the band Kiss. I never understood why they put out so much crap with their faces on it but I guess the fact that people keep paying for it is reason enough. I’d probably buy a Star Wars casket to be buried in if there was one so who am I to judge. I did have periods in my childhood where I did consider myself a Kiss fan though. Mostly during the time in the 80’s that most die hard Kiss fans would rather forget. Their 1984 album “Animalize” featured a song called “Burn Bitch Burn” and that’s all a 6 year old Joe needed to know to become a fan. I didn’t even realize there was a period where my new favorite band wore make-up. I had a couple of their other albums after that and pretty much gave up on them once they got back into actually making music that people liked. I was so underground for a 8 year old. As a side note I realize I started off saying I’m neutral on them, then went on to say I liked them and then went on to say they were my favorite band. Calm down, no one is reading this anyway.
During my time as a fan though they put out a song called “God Gave Rock ‘N’ Roll to You II”. I assume this was meant to be some sort of anthem but it never really got picked up by rock enthusiasts for some reason. Or at least I’ve never heard it played at a Hockey game so I assume it wasn’t. I’m not wikipedia folks. The song was released on 1991’s “Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey” soundtrack. That couldn’t of helped things. Not that it’s a bad movie or soundtrack. I saw it opening weekend and the soundtrack was the second CD I ever bought. But at no point could anyone of though “Hey guys, this song is going on the ‘Bogus Journey’ soundtrack, let’s not half ass it”. On second thought maybe it is a bad movie.
More important than the song was the video though. Oh god the video. For the most part it’s just the band in a hanger that for some reason has about an inch of water on the floor. Perhaps Gene Simmons took one of his legendary number twos and overflowed the toilet so the boys just went with it. And when I say “boys” I mean the guys in Kiss that I assume are pushing 70 at the time of the video. I don’t know but it works. In the beginning of the song when the guys are really kicking things off Paul Stanley has some sort of epileptic fit and freaks the fuck out so water goes flying everywhere. The first time I saw the video I was generally concerned for his well being. Whoever the hell the drummer was at the time probably got poopie water in his mouth because of all the splashing but knew he couldn’t say anything or he’d be out the door. They probably made the bass player drink it in between takes.
Along with all that there’s old clips of the bang playing in their painted face days. Sort of saying “hey guys, remember when we were all bad ass? We still are, we just like to dance in doodie water now. It’s cool. Let’s go get some coffee and talk this thing out.” I don’t know but as a young lad I think this was the first time I realized the band use to be transvestites. I was both frightened and confused by a black and white clip of the power duo dry humped each other. Still am.
Favorite shots? I do enjoy the two times they say the word “guitar” in the lyrics and have Paul and Gene show their guitars. It’s kind of educational in a way. When I have a kid and I’m ready to teach him or her in the way of rock I’m going to make him or her watch this video over and over again until they know what a guitar is. That way when people ask what school my kid goes to I can say “The school of hard rocks with a major in hot lix as taught by Mr. Paul Stanly and Gene Simmons and a minor in spastic doodie water stomping.” I can’t imagine anyone is going to know what that means but still, pretty awesome.
Least favorite moments? Really anything with Gene Simmons. Even at a young age I was uncomfortable with the looks that guy gave the camera. For the life of me I can’t remember what song it was but there was a video of him just riding around in a car singing while drinking a soda or something. If you’ve never seen Gene Simmons sip from a straw and look directly into a camera consider yourself lucky. I saw that and though, “this guy has done some awful things to someone’s daughter. He belongs in jail”. I stand by that statement to this day.
Around the three minute point in the song they break things down. Paul Stanly’s gentle voice lulls you into thinking everything is going to be alright and I remember snuggling up with a blanket and sucking my thumb just before they blast you in the balls and wrap things up. I almost bit my thumb off every time. To this day i still have trouble walking for a good 30 minutes after listening to the song, 45 if I’m watching the video. Watch the video below, you’ll be glad you did. Maybe call out of work first though.
